I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
