Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
