were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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