High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
