I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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