Just cropdusted the office
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize