My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
