you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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