Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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