Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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