i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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