one might say we're banned from that church
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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