There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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