i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
