Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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