I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
