Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
