Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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