just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
