I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
