Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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