Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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