no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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