im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
