She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
