did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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