Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
