East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
