Do you still have your period?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
