I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
