Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  your thong is hanging out like whoa

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  (917): your thong is hanging out like whoa http://tfl.nu/zppd
  Replies (2) Good night (2691) Bad night (1299)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it

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  (210): i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it http://tfl.nu/c88z
  Replies (26) Good night (3503) Bad night (888)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

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  (770): I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them http://tfl.nu/31n4
  Replies (25) Good night (744) Bad night (4569)
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  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

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  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (110) Good night (33819) Bad night (1463)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (44) Good night (8156) Bad night (2619)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  The "puke-towel" started to grow something...

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  (309): The "puke-towel" started to grow something... http://tfl.nu/d1rv
  Replies (10) Good night (798) Bad night (4871)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.

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  (919): So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma. http://tfl.nu/it54
  Replies (16) Good night (3853) Bad night (1800)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.

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  (207): I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over. http://tfl.nu/vji8
  Replies (10) Good night (1543) Bad night (3097)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.

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  (770): Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation. http://tfl.nu/ma0q
  Replies (10) Good night (1430) Bad night (650)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.

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  (267): I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible. http://tfl.nu/ayl9
  Replies (9) Good night (1984) Bad night (855)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.

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  (770): Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire. http://tfl.nu/2u40
  Replies (4) Good night (1152) Bad night (563)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.

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  (703): I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes. (757): you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing. http://tfl.nu/fdil
  Replies (7) Good night (1919) Bad night (683)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.

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  (602): I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College. http://tfl.nu/47ac
  Replies (9) Good night (1153) Bad night (1003)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?

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  (321): let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal? http://tfl.nu/87r8
  Replies (11) Good night (1008) Bad night (444)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!

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  (705): There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!! http://tfl.nu/7xwk
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (593)

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