So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw