FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.