In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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