the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize
