Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.