I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT