If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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