Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito