I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
