youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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