the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
