Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
is it fun? or sober?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
