I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
