What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
