So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
