You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
