went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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