i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
