My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
