im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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