No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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