You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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