we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
