There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
