it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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