girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
