Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
