After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
