He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
