Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
