Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
