Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize