I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
