So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
