so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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