The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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