my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
